Taming the Tongue: Talk with Grace

Today we’re talking about taming the tongue: talking with grace.

James 3:5 (NLT) — “In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.”

Today’s topic might just hit a little close to home — since we are talking about the tongue. I mean, it can either encourage someone or ruin their day in one sentence.

Ever sent a text you regretted? Or said something without thinking? Yep — we’ve all been there. So today we’re chatting about how we can tame our tongues and use our words for good. Let’s keep it real, light, and grace-filled!

Words… You wouldn’t think something so small could pack such a punch, but our tongues? They're mighty!

We’ve all had those foot-in-mouth moments. Maybe we were tired or stressed or just plain snarky. Words slip out, and then we want to crawl under a table. The good news? God’s grace covers even our messy moments.

I’m sure we have all sent a message meaning it one way, but it either came across wrong or autocorrect got the best of us… Though this isn’t audible, it was still thought and shared, which is basically like we said it.

Before you hit “send” or say what you really think, pause. Ask, “Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind?” Sometimes silence is the most Spirit-filled thing we can offer.

Our words can be hammers or hugs. We can tear down someone’s confidence or help them stand a little taller. What we say matters — especially when we’re talking to our kids, coworkers, or even ourselves.

I have been praying lately that my words be intelligible and not bring confusion. This is because my passion can come across wrong from time to time, and I then have to apologize. So, asking God to even help me in this seemingly small way keeps me aware of my words and how I come across.

I want to make sure I’m helping and not hindering with my words.

Let’s make sure that we are saying things today that make someone feel seen and valued.

What we say out loud usually starts inside. If we’re filling our minds with negativity or gossip, it’s going to overflow.

True, when my kids talk to each other and even to themselves, I get a sense of how they feel or are thinking in that moment. I do my best to correct them, but the thing is, I catch myself talking the same way — or worse — to myself. It is often easier to teach others, but what we think will often come out, and so that overflow can hurt and not help. We all need to start with what we think and how we feel through situations and make sure we are mindful. Because when we start with the heart, the mouth will follow.

What do you let influence your internal dialogue?

Let’s shift gears and talk about how our words can bring life. Because while the tongue can burn things down, it can also spark healing, joy, and hope.

A genuine compliment can completely change someone’s day. And no, I don’t mean flattery — I mean noticing something good and calling it out.

Compliment someone today — bonus points if one is a stranger. Now, I don’t know how points are really going to go toward anything, but hey, at least it will be encouraging.

When things go sideways, do you speak through panic or peace? Honestly, it all depends on the situation and who I’m talking to, which is not really good because I know that our words create atmosphere, and when we think about it that way, we can remember to be thermostats, not thermometers.

We need to control and not just let the heat or cold determine how we respond.

A good way to think about this is by thinking of the difference between “This is a disaster” and “God’s got this.”

Have you ever played the telephone game? This is where someone says something, and it is passed on, but by the time it gets to the end, it could be something completely different and so wrong.

We need to make sure what we say is consistent with our character, because there are times that what we have shared can then be shared with others, and when we are aware of our words, the ripple effect will be less than if we just spoke without concern.

James 3:5 (NLT) — “In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.”

We need to be aware that we speak with integrity and kindness, showing people a good character.

Let’s talk about real-world applications. What does taming the tongue look like on a Monday morning? Or during family dinner? Or when your patience is gone?

Disagreements happen. But we can disagree without disrespect. Speak truth in love, not sarcasm or snark.

It’s okay to vent — we’re human. But there’s a difference between processing and gossiping. Let’s vent vertically (to God) before we go horizontal (to friends).

James 3:5 (NLT) — “In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.”

Ask God to be your filter. He’s pretty good at it.

We’re often our own worst critics. What if we spoke to ourselves like we speak to a friend? Encouragement isn’t just for others — you need it too.

I have so many words and notes written down to try to remind myself of who I am in Christ and not who I think I am. Having words of affirmation of who we are in Christ is important. The world beats us up enough — we don’t also need to do that.

So, some words of affirmation you can start with today are: “I’m doing my best today, and God’s not finished with me yet.”

At the end of the day, let’s ask: Did my words today glorify God? Did they build others up or tear them down?

Every day is a new chance to speak life, kindness, and hope — to others and ourselves. Let’s use our tongues for good.

The tongue might be small, but with God’s help, it can be a powerful force for good. So, let’s go into today with hearts full of grace and mouths that follow suit.

Speak life, choose kindness.